told the truth, mostly.
How to get rid of
The simple fact that you
are actually reading this says something in itself. Perhaps you have
nothing better to do, which I doubt. Or, perhaps you have many better
things to do, but you want to relieve, or better yet prevent, a sore heiney.
1. First, we can
stop killing sharks (among our newest endangered species). "Preparation
H" and its clones are made from shark liver oil. Use topical
vitamin E instead. Medically speaking, "topical" means
"applied directly to the surface." This really works, oh hemorrhoid
sufferers. Make sure the anus is clean, and even more important,
dry. After a shower or bath, blot the area with a clean, white tissue
and wait ten or fifteen minutes. Then, puncture a vitamin E capsule with
a push-pin. (You might even like to keep a push-pin in the bottle, as long as
it is out of reach of children and brightly colored so you can spot it,
too.) Place the opened end of the vitamin E capsule right up against the
anus, and squeeze the capsule. Spread the slightly oily vitamin E around
and you will be pleased with the prompt results. Repeat twice daily.
2. Eat more fiber. This
means softer, easier to pass stools. Just lovely, this chat we're having
here, isn't it?
3. Drink more
water. You need water for fiber to work. The bowel is your water
recycling center, by the way. A human bowel movement usually contains
only about 150 ml (that's about half a
4. Eat less
meat. Meat contains no fiber. Even lean meat has a lot of fat compared
to grains, beans, vegetables and fruit, which are loaded with fiber.
5. Avoid surgery by doing
the four steps above. OK, some personal experience: my Dad had several
hemorrhoid operations during his lifetime. (He actually watched them
perform the surgery, thanks to the wonders of local anesthesia and cleverly
placed mirrors. Now there's a ready answer for "What did you do
today, dear?") The simple fact that he had the same operation more
than once tells us much about the value of operations.
All right, let's
take this discussion even lower (if that's possible) and let you in on the
proctologist with a secret: his custom-made wallpaper had a novel, abstract
design. Turns out it was a pattern of assorted anal sphincters. This
was in the man's professional office, and I am not making it up: my Dad told
me. Of course, there is a slim chance that he might be making it up, and
let's hope so.
The rest of this
website has been pretty much on the level.
Copyright C 2005, 2003
and prior years Andrew W. Saul.
Andrew Saul is the author of the books FIRE
YOUR DOCTOR! How to be Independently Healthy (reader reviews at
) and DOCTOR YOURSELF: Natural Healing that Works. (reviewed at http://www.doctoryourself.com/saulbooks.html
AN IMPORTANT NOTE: This page is not in any way offered as prescription, diagnosis nor treatment for any disease, illness, infirmity or physical condition. Any form of self-treatment or alternative health program necessarily must involve an individual's acceptance of some risk, and no one should assume otherwise. Persons needing medical care should obtain it from a physician. Consult your doctor before making any health decision.
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